


That feeling sucks

by sunflow3rs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Friendship/Love, Gay Panic, M/M, Secret Crush, Terushima being a bi icon, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflow3rs/pseuds/sunflow3rs
Summary: I just want you to know that you're not alone in this because that feeling sucks.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji & Terushima Yuuji
Kudos: 12





	That feeling sucks

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Ese sentimiento da asco](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855159) by [sunflow3rs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflow3rs/pseuds/sunflow3rs). 



> okay so i am so sorry for the mistakes bc i used the translate (?) lol yolo

"Hey, Akaashi-san, how long have you been dating your captain?"

Akaashi released the ball immediately and looked at the boy in front of him who was watching him curiously. His head was slightly tilted, embedding his huge brown eyes in it with his little eyebrows arched over them. He used one of his legs to bear all his weight and kept his hands busy turning the volleyball.

"I am not dating Bokuto-san." Akaashi barely managed to chew and spit out the words that had been struggling to come out of his throat for the last few seconds. He looked at him disinterestedly and bent down to pick up the ball he had inadvertently dropped. He would not lie if anyone asked him if Terushima's comment had surprised him because it had. And there was nothing to hide. It's not every day that a kid from an opposing volleyball team asks you if you have a romantic relationship with your captain. Not even if you do, directly from when.

"You're not?" His brow furrowed even more and he didn't seem to understand the situation. He felt that at some point he had blinked too much and missed an important event in the act. He held his ball in one hand and the other hand held it in his hair, stirring the tufts of hair dyed with it. Then he smiled shyly. "Oh, sorry. You are so close and you look at him that way... I must have made a mistake."

Terushima was sure he had not made a mistake. There were many times he did make mistakes, on the volleyball court or with his rich, unbearable attitude. Hana, her best friend, repeated it constantly and was aware of it. However, he was no fool. He knew that sometimes you don't have to anticipate jumping and hitting a ball, he knew that despite being in class seven he wanted to be a hairdresser and he knew that if someone looks at another person as if this was their whole world, it is because they believe that this is what gives meaning to their days.

"Yes, I think you're wrong."

Akaashi walks away from Terushima as soon as he can, remarkably uncomfortable, and argues, in his head and with himself, about how the boy had managed to break through all his barriers and find out that way. He could control himself, he had been conning him ever since he met Bokuto and he was not going to let Terushima make him doubt his own mental strength.

He did not even hear Bokuto calling him from the other side of the court. He left the ball he had with him in one of the boxes where they were kept and left the gym looking for some fresh air to clear his mind.

Summer in Tokyo was unbearable and Akaashi hated it. He had always been winter, anyway. He liked it to snow, he liked it to be cold, and on top of that, he liked to drink hot chocolate. There were times when Bokuto would invite him over to his house to watch a Christmas movie or just hang out, and when he did, his mother would serve him the best hot chocolate in the world. Very dark and thick and with the taste of one of the ragweed of the gods.

Akaashi ran his hands over his eyes and tried to make Bokuto disappear from his head. He walked up the small hill in front of the gymnasium and sat on the grass with his back to the building.

If Terushima had noticed it, so would anyone else, who else could have known? Akaashi was sure that Kuroo would be one of the first people to guess, if he had failed to protect his feelings and exposed himself in that way.

He bit his lip so hard that at any moment he could feel the blood mix with his saliva. He jumped into place when his name was called out from the gym. He turned his head, Bokuto was shaking his arm trying to get his attention.

"The game is about to start!"

Akaashi nodded, stood up from the grass and without maintaining eye contact with Bokuto for too long entered the room.

He got up from the table to take his tray to the trash. He had finished his dinner and what he wanted most at that moment was to get to his room and sleep until the next day. Or maybe his whole life. Before he could even reach the exit of the dining room, however, Terushima appeared out of nowhere and intercepted him again.

"Hey, Akaashi-san... " He opened the door to the dining room so that he could pass. Akaashi greeted him with a nod, not to sound rude, but having Terushima around only caused him headaches and pecking at his securities. The two began walking down the corridor and disappeared before the hundreds of eyes that ate and screamed in the cafeteria. "I'm sorry about before. It seems to have affected you, you were like... Gone for the whole practice."

Terushima hid his hands in his sweatpants pockets and looked at his own feet as they walked. Akaashi raised an eyebrow wondering if that boy was only looking at him or if it was just a coincidence.

"I am fine, do not worry. It was just a question, Terushima-san." Akaashi lied to him because he was not really feeling well. It made him uncomfortable to continue to be around Bokuto now that he knew someone could expose him so simply and it was getting on his nerves. Both he and Bokuto, who was unable to understand why his setter and vice captain was avoiding him, with no memory of doing anything else in the last few hours.

"You can call me Yuuji, if you like," he paused for a moment as he glanced down the corridor behind him, completely empty. "You know if you're like that because... You know... You're gay... You don't have to worry, I'm not going to tell anyone and I doubt if anyone has found out about you."

Akaashi was forced to stand in the middle of the place, with that bad lighting and watching Terushima as if he had discovered his deepest and darkest secret. Something that, in a way, was true. Terushima walked a couple more steps until he realized the boy had stopped, then turned around and faced him. He knew virtually nothing about Akaashi, did not know who he was until that camp, and before that he was just a meaningless name in the lineup of an important high school team. And yet he knew that he was not an expressive boy and that his open eyes showed a genuinely surprised Akaashi. He hurried to raise his hands.

"I am bisexual," he said as if to make an excuse, but even that was not enough to get Akaashi out of his shock. Terushima moved a little closer to the body of the other man and lowered her hands. "That is why I am telling you. I have been watching you all through the camp and the eyes with which you watch Bokuto-san are not the same eyes with which you watch others. And I am sure of it."

"I... "Akaashi had no idea what to say. He was sure that this was the first time in his life that someone had spoken to him about his sexuality, he had never told anyone about his foolish infatuation with his captain and he didn't imagine to do so either. Then Terushima appeared with the all-seeing eye, it seemed, and in one go he discovered everything he had hidden for years.

"You do not have to say anything." Terushima hurriedly said as he saw how Akaashi was unable to formulate any coherent phrase. "I just think you're the first gay person I've met in person and not on Internet, and we can help each other. I don't know. I just don't want you to think you're alone in this because that feeling sucks."

Terushima laughed but without any grace, his voice sounded dry and it seemed like either of us would start crying at any moment.

"Maybe I'm making a mistake, but I really hope not. " Terushima shrugged and hid his hands in his pockets again, smiling one last time "Good night, Akaashi-san."


End file.
